Something personal today because why the hell not! It’s my blog and I can do what I want!
I have chronic insomnia, specifically Circadian Rhythm disorder, more specifically Delayed sleep phase disorder. TLDR: my body refuses to fall asleep at a time that is considered normal by society. It took forever to diagnose, I had to consult with multiple doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists and other specialists before finally getting an official diagnosis on a piece of paper. I often joke I should laminate the thing and put it on my wall.
Like many disorders out there, there is no cure for it and the best I can do is manage it through a disciplined sleep schedule. It’s very important for me to go to bed and wake up at the same time every day, even on weekend. This way I can train my body to sleep at the time I need so I can function normally throughout the day and do things like have a job that requires me to be up in the morning.
But sadly, even with the best discipline, things don’t always work out and insomnia will strike out. Usually it comes in phases, like I’ll have a bad week where sleep is harder to come by, or I’ve noticed that February is usually a harder month, likely due to lack of light or something like it. But there’s also the once in a blue moon sleepless night because reasons. Today though I know fully well why I’m messed up, I had to be up at 2 am because of my job and now I’ll be paying for it all week long.
So right now with about 5 hours of sleep combined over the past 2 days I’m alternating between feeling miserable and wanting to murder anything that comes within 5 feet of me. A developer had the misfortune of submitting to me a buggy version of the app he’s working on and I decided to pass the review to someone else for fear of what I might say. I know I can’t even trust my own judgement right now and it sucks, a lot.
So what’s the point of today’s post? None really. I needed to vent and this felt more constructive than running after people with a fireaxe.