There’s seems to be a lot of talk recently about tanks and the weird attitudes they can have. In order to help you understand our crazy world I put this little guid together.
Stages of madness
The masculine form is used for levity of the text
Stage 1. Delusion – I’m going to tank and it’s going to be fun
Archetype: The non-tank
At this early stage the subject is highly delusional and thinks that tanking while hard, is a fun job to do and a respected one at that. He’s full of energy and starts to gather his very first pieces, often with the help of a few friends. It’s a sheltered life that will last until he’s ready to start tanking on his own.
Stage 2. Discouragement
Archetype: The alt-tank
As he starts to tank and loses support from his friends, they can’t always be there after all, he meets the reality that is Pugs and tanking for strangers while his tank set is unfinished and his skills still needs refinement. The sheer hostility of the groups and the realisation that he still has a long way to go to collect everything he needs and learn his class leads to discouragement. This is where we loose a lot of potential tanks who will remain forever in a “tank alt for friends” mode.
Stage 3. Resolution
Archetype: The aggressive tank
Yet, where some give up others grith their teeth and push on, figuring that since there is established and competent tanks a way must exist out of the tanking for pugs existence. The potential tank is resolute to keep going at it even if progress can be slow at times.
It’s at this stage that the new tank starts forming is tanking persona that he will use when tanking and where the first signs of true madness can manifest themselves as the tank is constantly being bombarded by hostility. The aggressive tank archetype is often a defense mechanism to prevent being aggressed in the first place.
Stage 4. Despair
Archetype: The emo tank
At some point in a tank career he needs to make the switch from tanking in 5 mans to tanking in raids. This is not an easy step to take as the tank faces numerous challenges to overcome. He might be facing “The Wall”, a situation that arises when a tank has gotten all upgrades from heroic but is still not considered geared enough to tank in raid. This leads to a situation where progression is wholly dependent on someone giving the tank a chance, something that’s not garanteed to happen any time soon. Or the tank could have gotten gear as an offtank set wich means that he’s geared enough but might lack the experience and the thick skin he would have gotten gearing up in pugs.
Whatever the reason, the tank has to face tanking in a whole new environment, one that doesn’t give second chances and he needs to prove himself, often on the first try. The combination of all the elements often leads to a long period where the tank doesn’t see a way out of his current situation because he feels his progression is wholly dependant on the whims of raid and guild leaders.
The emo tank persona can emerge at this point, a tank that constantly needs reassurance that he’s wanted, loved and skilled enough and one prone to drama at the slightest mention of his abilities.
Stage 5. Withdrawal
Archetype: Tank bot 4000 (courtesy of Murloc Parliement)
Once our tank has gotten his gear, secured his place and knows he can tank anything,he suddenly find himsels constantly needed to tank instances, raids and whatever else his guildies and friends needs him to. In front of him seems to stretch an eternity of repeating content. By being silent as the grave, efficient and quick he figures he will end the torture faster.
In a last distch attempt to salvage what remains of his sanity the tank will withdraw from reality.
Stage 6. Madness
Archetype: God tank, awesome but utterly mad
After a long decent into madness the tank finally reaches it. He figures that since he’s going crazy he might as well have fun doing so. At this point anything is a good excuse to try to releave the boredom of tanking yet another Nexus. The tank knows all there is to know about tanking and he figures that he can take some risk while doing so.
Here’s a few choice samples of conversations heard at this point.
-Hey guys! Think we can clear Halls of lightning in a single pull? – Crazy tank
-Please die! You can’t solo Arthas and we want to have another try! – Raid Leader
-Dropping your pants do not cause more threat! – A concerned guild member
-I’m going to break dance pull him and kill him with awesome coreography! – Crazy tank
Hope you enjoyed this little tour of my mad world.